Hey there, new night shift nurse. I’m a grizzled critical care veteran—30 years in the ICU trenches, where “night off” is just code for “daytime zombie apocalypse.” I’ve got a spouse who thinks sleep is a choice and friends who believe 10 a.m. is “morning” and 10 p.m. is “bedtime.” They don’t get it. They never will.
Picture this:
8 a.m., blackout curtains drawn tighter than a central line dressing. I pop enough melatonin to sedate a horse and collapse like I’ve been hit with propofol. Blissful silence for… 47 minutes. Then the circus begins. The spouse tiptoes in—because apparently tiptoeing includes slamming the bedroom door—and whispers at full volume, “Honey, are you awake? The neighbor wants to grill tonight—wanna go over?” No, I’m in REM sleep, fighting sepsis dreams. Go away.
Noon, defeat sets in. My circadian rhythm laughs at me. I’m wide awake, staring at the ceiling like it owes me money. So I doom-scroll nursing TikToks in the dark, heart rate spiking over viral “worst code ever” reels.
4 p.m., my brain gives in, and blissful REM sleep cradles me in its arms—for 3 hours. The barbecue next door is ready, so I dress in whatever I grab (I don’t realize my shirt is inside out until my neighbor points it out). I gradually wake up after a couple of margaritas and move to social mode. And just as I truly wake up, everyone decides it’s bedtime. The party closes, and everyone “taps out.” Freaking amateurs.
Midnight, what to do? Get started on the mountain of online services, study for that certification I may (or may not) acquire, or binge-watch a series and eat an embarrassing amount of junk food. Option 3 wins (again), so I start the first season of “The Bear,” surrounded by bags of snacks that I tell my patients not to eat in their discharge papers. I settle in.
It is 8 a.m., I am almost done with the first season, and I am finally nodding off. I am told kids are coming over this afternoon for my granddaughter's 14th th birthday (which I forgot was today). I stumble to the bedroom with my blanket, slowly turn around, and give a low but stern statement that there will be violence if ANYONE wakes me up before 4 pm.
Welcome to night shift.